Thank you for this. 37 and still playing over here. Still convinced it's the best thing I can do for my art; discipline being the other, of course, but just spent a long night crying when a friend questioned my timeline and came to this piece feeling broken. Unsolicited pressure affects the writer psyche so.
absolute everything in our society (including way too many people) wants us become fast and instrumental and self-commodifying and profitable, the neoliberal dream. you are right to play and right to be disciplined. as for friends / family who try to impose timelines, the greatest kindness we can bestow is to ignore them.
Junot, thank you so much for your response! You can't imagine how moved I was to read it. I have shared your answer with my friends and they all agree that, besides being beautiful, it helps enormously those of us who aspire to be writers. Thank you so much!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Invaluable advice, and something I really needed to hear right now.
Funny enough, I pushed myself to try and write a book by 27 because that was some vague standard I set for myself after seeing when heroes like yourself came out the gate. That timeline came and went. But it wasn't until I let go of it, and just focused on having fun again instead of pressuring myself to write something that would "launch" me, that my novel actually came together.
So I'll be 33 instead of 27 when it comes out next year, but man am I happy that I gave in to play and let the book that resulted from that effort come out when it was ready to come out.
The year of Jesus! (lol) That is still so young, Andrew. I’m 40 and just started looking at publishing. Late stage capitalism suffocates us with its false urgency. We are all right on time, no matter when we set out on this journey. Proud of you.
Jesus year, indeed! And yes, I know it is still young, for sure. Which is why its so funny that I was so desperate at 27. I literally thought that if I, gasp, happened to publish it in my early-30s I'd be a dinosaur or something. It's wild. And a lot of the reasons why I thought that are so well articulated in this piece.
“Maybe if we were ballerinas or football players, time might be an insurmountable obstacle to our practice – the way height can be a problem if your dream is to play center on an NBA team – but fortunately for us we ain’t centers or ballerinas: we’re writers, we’re artists.” YES!
I’ve used a similar comparison when talking about how much time we writers have. As long as we have our mental faculties, we can write. How lucky are we?!
Ballet and sports, incredible in their own right, have wildly strict time constraints. Tiny windows of greatness open for a blip in time. I can always see the longing in the athlete’s eyes when interviewed about their past.
Yes. I love that you brought up the importance of play in the act of creation. When a child is busy building a sandcastle, they are rarely self-aware. All the passion is directed at the world-building they are doing in the moment. Junot, what playfulness do you indulge in that fills up your creative heart?
This was a good, and timely, read. Thank you. I started writing (seriously, but also playing :)) at 40. I'm 47 now and have two novels written, agented but unpublished. There are no rules to this. I'm having to remind myself to play, though. Having come close a couple of times to the supposed promised land, I've spent 18 months taking it too seriously, getting in my own way about what a book should be. I need to play again, to rediscover my voice - and the play is where the magic comes.
I completed my first novel last month on my 63rd birthday. I used to lament my withered promise but that just fed the beast. Late to the party? Fuggit. I got here as fast as I could. It was a spectacular feeling to type The End. No matter what happens with it, I wrote it.
Such great advice here and I think it's helpful for us to see that even a very successful writer can face these demons. The 'momentum' idea is crazy to me. We have to write in our own time. If we don't allow the space for it, it's forced. But I think people who say that to you don't understand artistry. If you're thinking too much 'in the box' also of marketing, you're likely not to create anything that will matter to culture (as you say at the end).
OMG, yes to all of this! In the early 2000s, I felt like everyone in my particular generic cohort was passing me by, racing past and leaving me in the dust of obscurity. They were getting book deals and starting to win awards, and here was me, puttering around with the occasional short story in a magazine. And when the next generation came up, I felt even worse.
But I stubbornly kept at it, and have learned that persistence is more sustainable than flash-in-the-pan stylistic talent. My first book was released in 2011 (when I was 36), and next year will hopefully see my 30th book; that includes novels, fiction collections, children’s picture books and anthologies. Worrying whether all of that meant a “career” (which had preoccupied me for over a decade), would have killed most of that. It was far better to just play.
This was so good and helpful! So many wonderful lines to read again and store away. Thanks for sharing from your experience, and for the encouragement.
I've been looking for someone to say this to me for ages. I used to write a whole lot and I had so much fun with it, especially during my university days. But then I fell off, and the lack of writing became exponentially more lack of writing. Since writing was my joy in life, I had lost my joy. Two years ago I found my way again. And now, thanks to your words, I can see the road signs.
Honestly, I don't write for any other reason than the pure enjoyment and love it brings to my life. Without writing I lose my center. I am happy to have found it again, my joy.
What does play look like, specifically, to you--after years of therapy, false starts, and feeling like you're going mad? How do YOU play when the Infinite Pressures abound? Is it here, on substack, allowing yourself to write at a more rapid pace, with self-imposed deadlines? Or is this not play for you? Do you make the distinction? Does play happen in your day-to-day novel writing process? Have you found it again? Tactically? Does it come and go?
I'm asking partly because what I keep finding is that true play, for me, is found in FIRST DRAFTS--almost exclusively. I, in the immortal words of Carmy Berzatto's brother, LET IT RIP. With total freedom and reckless abandon (cheeks flapping, head out window). My subconscious mind does all the heavy lifting. But as we know, novels don't get written unless they're rewritten, time and again. So, when I go to refine this half-formed thing into a tolerable shape, worthy of formal presentation to the world, that's when The Pressure rears its ugly visage. Second-draftitis. And third, and fourth, and fifth... My (lower case) fukú is undoing what was good--or had the potential to be good--through joyless revision.
Thank you for this. 37 and still playing over here. Still convinced it's the best thing I can do for my art; discipline being the other, of course, but just spent a long night crying when a friend questioned my timeline and came to this piece feeling broken. Unsolicited pressure affects the writer psyche so.
absolute everything in our society (including way too many people) wants us become fast and instrumental and self-commodifying and profitable, the neoliberal dream. you are right to play and right to be disciplined. as for friends / family who try to impose timelines, the greatest kindness we can bestow is to ignore them.
I’m 38. Solidarity👊🏻
🥳
Junot, thank you so much for your response! You can't imagine how moved I was to read it. I have shared your answer with my friends and they all agree that, besides being beautiful, it helps enormously those of us who aspire to be writers. Thank you so much!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Invaluable advice, and something I really needed to hear right now.
Funny enough, I pushed myself to try and write a book by 27 because that was some vague standard I set for myself after seeing when heroes like yourself came out the gate. That timeline came and went. But it wasn't until I let go of it, and just focused on having fun again instead of pressuring myself to write something that would "launch" me, that my novel actually came together.
So I'll be 33 instead of 27 when it comes out next year, but man am I happy that I gave in to play and let the book that resulted from that effort come out when it was ready to come out.
You da man, Junot.
The year of Jesus! (lol) That is still so young, Andrew. I’m 40 and just started looking at publishing. Late stage capitalism suffocates us with its false urgency. We are all right on time, no matter when we set out on this journey. Proud of you.
Jesus year, indeed! And yes, I know it is still young, for sure. Which is why its so funny that I was so desperate at 27. I literally thought that if I, gasp, happened to publish it in my early-30s I'd be a dinosaur or something. It's wild. And a lot of the reasons why I thought that are so well articulated in this piece.
Junot dropping GEMS!
This was so beautiful, Junot.
“Maybe if we were ballerinas or football players, time might be an insurmountable obstacle to our practice – the way height can be a problem if your dream is to play center on an NBA team – but fortunately for us we ain’t centers or ballerinas: we’re writers, we’re artists.” YES!
I’ve used a similar comparison when talking about how much time we writers have. As long as we have our mental faculties, we can write. How lucky are we?!
Ballet and sports, incredible in their own right, have wildly strict time constraints. Tiny windows of greatness open for a blip in time. I can always see the longing in the athlete’s eyes when interviewed about their past.
In regard to writers, it truly is never too late.
Yes. I love that you brought up the importance of play in the act of creation. When a child is busy building a sandcastle, they are rarely self-aware. All the passion is directed at the world-building they are doing in the moment. Junot, what playfulness do you indulge in that fills up your creative heart?
This was a good, and timely, read. Thank you. I started writing (seriously, but also playing :)) at 40. I'm 47 now and have two novels written, agented but unpublished. There are no rules to this. I'm having to remind myself to play, though. Having come close a couple of times to the supposed promised land, I've spent 18 months taking it too seriously, getting in my own way about what a book should be. I need to play again, to rediscover my voice - and the play is where the magic comes.
I completed my first novel last month on my 63rd birthday. I used to lament my withered promise but that just fed the beast. Late to the party? Fuggit. I got here as fast as I could. It was a spectacular feeling to type The End. No matter what happens with it, I wrote it.
incredible and huge congrats
Such great advice here and I think it's helpful for us to see that even a very successful writer can face these demons. The 'momentum' idea is crazy to me. We have to write in our own time. If we don't allow the space for it, it's forced. But I think people who say that to you don't understand artistry. If you're thinking too much 'in the box' also of marketing, you're likely not to create anything that will matter to culture (as you say at the end).
OMG, yes to all of this! In the early 2000s, I felt like everyone in my particular generic cohort was passing me by, racing past and leaving me in the dust of obscurity. They were getting book deals and starting to win awards, and here was me, puttering around with the occasional short story in a magazine. And when the next generation came up, I felt even worse.
But I stubbornly kept at it, and have learned that persistence is more sustainable than flash-in-the-pan stylistic talent. My first book was released in 2011 (when I was 36), and next year will hopefully see my 30th book; that includes novels, fiction collections, children’s picture books and anthologies. Worrying whether all of that meant a “career” (which had preoccupied me for over a decade), would have killed most of that. It was far better to just play.
This was so good and helpful! So many wonderful lines to read again and store away. Thanks for sharing from your experience, and for the encouragement.
I've been looking for someone to say this to me for ages. I used to write a whole lot and I had so much fun with it, especially during my university days. But then I fell off, and the lack of writing became exponentially more lack of writing. Since writing was my joy in life, I had lost my joy. Two years ago I found my way again. And now, thanks to your words, I can see the road signs.
Honestly, I don't write for any other reason than the pure enjoyment and love it brings to my life. Without writing I lose my center. I am happy to have found it again, my joy.
Thank you, Mr. Diaz!
What does play look like, specifically, to you--after years of therapy, false starts, and feeling like you're going mad? How do YOU play when the Infinite Pressures abound? Is it here, on substack, allowing yourself to write at a more rapid pace, with self-imposed deadlines? Or is this not play for you? Do you make the distinction? Does play happen in your day-to-day novel writing process? Have you found it again? Tactically? Does it come and go?
I'm asking partly because what I keep finding is that true play, for me, is found in FIRST DRAFTS--almost exclusively. I, in the immortal words of Carmy Berzatto's brother, LET IT RIP. With total freedom and reckless abandon (cheeks flapping, head out window). My subconscious mind does all the heavy lifting. But as we know, novels don't get written unless they're rewritten, time and again. So, when I go to refine this half-formed thing into a tolerable shape, worthy of formal presentation to the world, that's when The Pressure rears its ugly visage. Second-draftitis. And third, and fourth, and fifth... My (lower case) fukú is undoing what was good--or had the potential to be good--through joyless revision.