I remember years ago, at a B&N reading in Manhattan, you said something along the lines of: I'm sorry but I have to read this piece out loud. It was something you'd been working on that had to do with aliens, and some crazy space shit. Lasers were involved. You apologized (profusely) and said you couldn't know if the thing was good until you'd read it to an audience. When you finished, you apologized some more, and shoved it back in your pocket. I wanna say this was back in 2008? At the time, I was like, Welp! If anybody can pull it off, its Junot Diaz!
I still think that. Maybe it's not you, maybe the piece isn't ready for the world (and other woo-woo stuff like that).
A couple years before I went to your reading, i got a really hot agent named Andrew Wylie. I'd just finished my first book. He was like: It's a hit! We'll go to the Frankfurt bookfair, we'll sell a bunch of copies; you're gonna be a star!
We sent the book out to something like 30 publishers, and it never took. Nobody wanted to touch it. Everybody had different reasons as to why. I worked on that thing for 14 more years (!). I burned through 3 subsequent agents (!!!!). Great ones too. I couldn't give the idea up. Couldn't get it out of my head. I dreamt it, slept it, breathed it. And made it worse with all my tinkering.
Last year I finally kicked it to the curb--and it felt good. Really good. Because it made room for something else. I don't know what that something is yet, I'm working on it, we'll see. But letting go (truly, deeply) is the hardest, and, paradoxically, most freeing feeling (sometimes).
I imagine this endeavor (substack) will help show you the way.
Thank you for being brave and sharing the process. I look forward to seeing your thoughts in the weeks and months ahead!
that's no joke -- sorry for those struggles. this art game can really take a person out. glad you got through the other side. we'll see where this goes. and thank you!
I always wanted to ask a writer with prestige the following: What happens when you show your work you think es una mierda pinchada en un palo to others? Do they praise it anyway based on prior awards or brilliant works? Ellos tienen pelos en la lengua? Does it become easier or harder to tell if you created something worthy once you’re “in”?
this is why its important to cultivate very smart readers and to keep them close. but people are people and art is impossibly complex. hard for everyone to get things right all the time so that's also a thing.
"The weak part of me argued for night-night but the part of me that is a writer through and through, that never gives up in a Mets fan sort of way, decided to take the chance."
Thank you for turning the misery of my Mets fanhood into a positive attribute I can lean on in writing. I'll be forever grateful.
When you say you can’t write fiction anymore, what immediately comes to my mind is- right! So write true stories instead! I know it’s not considered as prestigious but.. I think we should reclaim it. Have you read any Edouard Louis? He’s a French author- only writes autobiographically (five books so far) and refuses the novel/memoir distinction militantly.
“Like a patient testing a leg that had been gruesomely shattered.” Ah, beautiful line.
I feel almost bad about saying this 😬, but purely as a reader and longtime fan of your voice (as opposed to the person who empathizes with you, feels the pain that this Martian project has caused you), I’m so grateful for the excellent writing this torture of a book fail has generated.
I remember years ago, at a B&N reading in Manhattan, you said something along the lines of: I'm sorry but I have to read this piece out loud. It was something you'd been working on that had to do with aliens, and some crazy space shit. Lasers were involved. You apologized (profusely) and said you couldn't know if the thing was good until you'd read it to an audience. When you finished, you apologized some more, and shoved it back in your pocket. I wanna say this was back in 2008? At the time, I was like, Welp! If anybody can pull it off, its Junot Diaz!
I still think that. Maybe it's not you, maybe the piece isn't ready for the world (and other woo-woo stuff like that).
A couple years before I went to your reading, i got a really hot agent named Andrew Wylie. I'd just finished my first book. He was like: It's a hit! We'll go to the Frankfurt bookfair, we'll sell a bunch of copies; you're gonna be a star!
We sent the book out to something like 30 publishers, and it never took. Nobody wanted to touch it. Everybody had different reasons as to why. I worked on that thing for 14 more years (!). I burned through 3 subsequent agents (!!!!). Great ones too. I couldn't give the idea up. Couldn't get it out of my head. I dreamt it, slept it, breathed it. And made it worse with all my tinkering.
Last year I finally kicked it to the curb--and it felt good. Really good. Because it made room for something else. I don't know what that something is yet, I'm working on it, we'll see. But letting go (truly, deeply) is the hardest, and, paradoxically, most freeing feeling (sometimes).
I imagine this endeavor (substack) will help show you the way.
Thank you for being brave and sharing the process. I look forward to seeing your thoughts in the weeks and months ahead!
All my best,
Dave
that's no joke -- sorry for those struggles. this art game can really take a person out. glad you got through the other side. we'll see where this goes. and thank you!
I always wanted to ask a writer with prestige the following: What happens when you show your work you think es una mierda pinchada en un palo to others? Do they praise it anyway based on prior awards or brilliant works? Ellos tienen pelos en la lengua? Does it become easier or harder to tell if you created something worthy once you’re “in”?
this is why its important to cultivate very smart readers and to keep them close. but people are people and art is impossibly complex. hard for everyone to get things right all the time so that's also a thing.
"The weak part of me argued for night-night but the part of me that is a writer through and through, that never gives up in a Mets fan sort of way, decided to take the chance."
Thank you for turning the misery of my Mets fanhood into a positive attribute I can lean on in writing. I'll be forever grateful.
mets fan for life!
My brother in misery. Though things are looking up for next year. As they say: “Ya gotta believe.”
When you say you can’t write fiction anymore, what immediately comes to my mind is- right! So write true stories instead! I know it’s not considered as prestigious but.. I think we should reclaim it. Have you read any Edouard Louis? He’s a French author- only writes autobiographically (five books so far) and refuses the novel/memoir distinction militantly.
dont know Edouard Louis work but now ill read em. thank you. and we'll see where this all goes. thank you, candide!
Thanks for the tip. I'm going to look into edouard Louis, too.
Maybe your Muse was kidnapped by a right wing cabal.
“Like a patient testing a leg that had been gruesomely shattered.” Ah, beautiful line.
I feel almost bad about saying this 😬, but purely as a reader and longtime fan of your voice (as opposed to the person who empathizes with you, feels the pain that this Martian project has caused you), I’m so grateful for the excellent writing this torture of a book fail has generated.